organized by category


Why Did You Write This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids?


Initial Questions

• Is it a choice?: “Is my kid choosing to be gay?”

• Is it Just a Phase? (Video): “My daughter came out to me, but I think it’s just a phase.”

Is It Just a Phase?: “My teenage daughter says that she’s a lesbian, but she had a crush on a man a few years ago, so it could be a phase. She’s sensitive about the topic and got annoyed when I accidentally referred to her future partner as her husband. I’m trying to be supportive, but I’m unsure whether it’s a phase or if she’s bisexual. How can I get better at this?”

• Should I Ask?: “I think my son might be gay. He never mentions any interest in girls… but he’s never actually come out to me as gay or anything like that. Should I ask him directly? Will this make it easier for him to tell me?”

• When Do I Tell Friends & Family?: “My daughter came out as bisexual to my husband and I a few weeks ago. We love her and support her, but we don’t know if we are supposed to reach out to friends and family to let them know? Is there a good time or a good way to tell others?”

• Why Didn’t He Tell Me Sooner? (Video): “Why did my son wait so long to tell me that he was gay?”

• I Think Their Friends Are Influencing Them: “My child has recently started hanging out with a different group of friends, and now says he’s bisexual. This identity-shift seems much more like a product of being influenced by these new friends, and not actually who he is–how do we communicate this with him?”

What is PFLAG? (Video): Watch to learn more about what PFLAG is, and how it supports families when one of their friends or relatives comes out as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning (LGBTQ).

• Being a Supportive Parent (Video): “My kid just came out… How can I support them?”



• Coming Out and Faith: “My kid just came out to me as a lesbian, and I’m worried that now they won’t have a relationship with their faith.”

• Losing Faith: “My teenage son came out recently, and I’ve noticed that he seems increasingly resistant to going to church with our family, as we always have. I’m terrified that he is turning his back on his faith. What should I do?”



• Having the Talk: LaShay Harvey, M.Ed. gives pointers on discussing safe sex with your child.

• Handling Sleepovers“My 13-year-old daughter is dating a girl and wants to bring her along on our weekend family trip to the beach. How do I seem inviting and excited about their relationship while still establishing ground rules about PDA and no sleeping in the same room, etc.?”

• Safe Sex: Continuing the Conversation“My 16 year old came out as bisexual, and I’m very supportive… I’m just not sure what I should say to her about safe sex. We’ve had ‘the talk’ before, but I had assumed she was straight at the time…”



• Defining Gender Terms (Video): Lauren Lubin, creator of the movement We Exist, sits down with Kristin Russo, co-founder of My Kid Is Gay, to explain the gender terms “transgender,” “cisgender,” and “genderqueer.”

• Masculinity & Attraction: “My daughter dates girls, but they are very masculine. I don’t understand this… if she wants to be with a woman, why would she be with women who look like men?”

• Understanding Trans Identities I understand what it means for someone to be gay, but I just can’t wrap my head around my child being transgender. I just don’t understand what this entails, so how do I talk about something I don’t understand?”

• Why Change Names and Pronouns (Video): Lauren Lubin, creator of the movement We Exist, explains why people might change their names and pronouns, and how to adjust to using the correct pronouns over time.



• Bullying, Depression and Warning Signs“My son was bullied relentlessly throughout middle school for being gay, and over the past year we have been trying to help him with anxiety and depression issues. But he’s starting high school now, and I’ve noticed that his depression seems to be worsening. I’m very worried that he might harm himself if something doesn’t change. What signs should I be looking for, and how can I help him?”

• Bullying in Schools: “What can my kid’s school do to help stop bullying?”

• On Bullying: ‘How Can I Help?’“My 13-year-old son told me that he was being bullied in school and that the other kids were calling him ‘gay.’ How can I help him without embarrassing him?” 

• On Covert Bullying: Drawing on her experience facilitating a Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA) at a West Philadelphia school, social worker Anna Krieger speaks about the kind of bullying that can often go unnoticed and escape accountability.



4 thoughts on “Frequently Asked Questions

  1. I wish there were more items related to bisexuality in the merch store. I’m bisexual and I’m looking for a way to subtly come-out to my family.

      1. Hi Rebekkah… and I’m a mom who wants her daughter who may be bi or gay to come out to me… so maybe I can help you and you can help me? I started figuring things out because I saw my daughter cuddling on the couch with a friend, then I saw another friend of hers with a button that read, “Let’s get one thing STRAIGHT: I’m not” and my daughter gave that girl a stuffed animal she won at the games at the Fair…the dotted lines started to make a picture. Now it’s my turn to start a conversation about how I’m proud of her friend who has figured out who she is and that I love her unconditionally and unabashedly forever. That sometimes you don’t realize you like something until you try it–like a ride at a carnival or a new hobby… and that during the teenage years, you may suddenly find yourself attracted to someone who you didn’t expect! And that it’s ok to work through the feelings and try things out and share them with your mom. So, is there anyone in particular who has caught your eye or your heart? (Is that a good way to ask her??? She would still have a way out of answering if she’s not ready or sure…) And if you were my kid… a few hints like those subtle hints work… maybe there is a movie star that you think is attractive and you could say, “Mom… isn’t ______ attractive” or whatever words you want to use…of course, the easiest place to talk is sometimes the car…no eye contact and you usually talk from the heart…and whatever you decide to say–even if it might take her by surprise or take some time to process or get used to the idea… she loves you completely and unconditionally. Hope you have a wonderful life… you helped even if you don’t get to respond. Thanks for listening!

        1. Hi Heather! Absolutely, there are definitely subtle ways to show your kid that you are accepting of LGBTQ folks if you think they might be trying to come out to you. It’s a great alternative to asking them directly, which can catch them off guard and backfire if they don’t feel ready to come out yet (which is totally valid!). Read more here:

          Thanks for sharing!

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