by Ruthie Pincus
I am the mother of gay twin sons.
For a long time, I avoided thinking about the possibility that either of my sons were gay. It was more comfortable not thinking about it, than facing the ramifications of what that meant to our sons and to our family. Regardless of my thoughts or thought avoidance, within the first year after my sons left home to start college, they both had come out to us, first one towards the end of his first semester and the other right after the start of the summer break.
It is a cliché to say, “Some of my best friends are” whatever. In truth, I am in the arts and have many close gay friends, including gay couples who have been together forever. Despite this, I still had trepidation coming out to my family and friends outside of my circle of friends in the arts. As my sons were growing up, I may have mentioned my suspicions to friends, but always skirted past the conversation, never giving them an opportunity to voice their opinion. I suppose I was avoiding the inevitable in search for comfort. Interestingly, when I finally shared that my first son had come out, there was nothing but support for both my son and myself regarding his sexuality.
I’m not quite sure why it was so important to me that my friends be supportive, but for the most part, their reactions and responses were approving. Although, there was always that question whether they were just relieved it was not their child. In any event, revealing that my first son was gay was dramatic, but when my second son came out to us, it landed with a thud. It felt almost freakish – how would I explain this? I took a deep breath and lept. It was anti-climactic. We’d been through this before, it was all familiar and I guess now it’s simply a relief to live honestly.
All I’d wanted for my children was for them to be happy. I really just wanted them to have what I have. My dreams saw them each in a stable happy relationship with a partner to share their life with. I am blessed with a loving marriage and that is all that I’d like for my children. My concern is that in this world, their relationships will have to endure a bit more scrutiny. It is still somewhat uncertain that they will be able to live without being judged. But aren’t we all afraid of being judged? There’s always that fear. Whether we differ in race, religious choice or non-choice, our gender differences and essentially every other difference, we have that risk. In terms of sexual orientation, time has been kind as we watch some walls fall. I gasp as other barriers seem to weather protest after protest, but as both my sons and I become more and more comfortable in their identity, my concerns are pacified by the positive changes I see.
Ruthie Pincus is a mom, Hauppauge High School Theatre teacher and creator of “Stage the Change, Theatre as a Social Voice,” which advocates for using theatre and the arts to speak out on social and emotional issues. This leads her to being an advocate for human rights and speaking out on LGBTQ issues. She has blogged for Huffington Post and currently tours with the Hauppauge “Stage the Change” players encouraging students to use their loudest “theatre voices” to become global citizens as they “create the world” they would like to live in. Check her out at www.stagethechange.org or contact at email@example.com.
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